Mother of 3 or 4

My experience as a mom

Ok, right now I am 29 years old I have a man 14 years my senior who I call my husband despite the fact we are not married and he is really my oldest child. We have been a couple for 4 years at this point and we have a 2 year old son, his 17 year old son from a previous marriage and we are expecting a little girl in June. My experience with it all?

I always wanted to be a mom actually. Luckily we tried to get pregnant and we did pretty quickly, I am blessed for this. My husband’s son wasn’t living with us at the time and we were living in a “tiny house” of 400sf (loved it). Pregnancy sucked, I went psychopath. Between the emotions and the new “rules to follow or your baby will die,” I was straight insane. I didn’t take a tylonal, drink coffee, eat uncooked lunch meat or even go out in public when I didn’t have to for that matter because I was so miserable in my own skin. However, I did eat salmon sushi and venison constantly. Believe me, hours of my own diplomatic research led me to this decision.

I hated pregnancy, I instantly grew 2 inches around my whole face, arms and body. I didn’t look pregnant, just fat. I cried all the time, I flipped out at everything, I was insecure, I was in fear of everything going wrong with the baby’s health, my pregnancy and my relationships. On top of that my mom and I didn’t speak the whole time. When I told her about the news she flipped out in a panic rage (in public) and started crying hysterically. Not the reaction I was looking for or that I had when I found out.

2nd trimester came and all I wanted to do was have sex, eat and sleep so thats all I did. 3rd trimester bombarded in like a train and I felt like the whole time was just a really long labor. Then labor came. It was a nightmare because my birth plan was to get as many drugs as possible and then some, however non of them worked for some reason. Long story short, because this is not a birth story its a mom story, it was exorcism, nothing I could’ve ever prepared for. Baby came out healthy, my mom fell in love and came around thank God because she then lived with us for the first 3 weeks and that was the only way nobody died from it all.

After the baby was born and I became a mom (you know what I mean?), and the teenager moved in from Charleston, SC. Things were great, family took shape, we wanted another baby, the moment the thought entered out minds, I got pregnant, which is a blessing no doubt. (Luckily my toddler turned terrible two after I got pregnant or I probably would’ve rethought the whole thing.)

This pregnancy was a nightmare in a different way though. I got depressed early on and didn’t gain weight, but not in an unhealthy way (which I like). I drink coffee every day, take prozac, vyvance, and cough medicine when I’m sick. I each lunch meat cold and have a glass of wine when I feel like it. At 20 weeks my baby is healthy and I actually feel amazing now in the 2nd trimester. I’m prepared for a intense labor, but don’t expect the drugs to work this time and I’m not scared of it, surprisingly.

My mom was happy and supportive this time for the most part. I don’t think she’s confident in me though with sucks, but what can you do? My life goes on, but I do need her so badly. As much as she hurts me with her mood swings and harsh criticism, I still need her so bad. It really makes me think about how my actions will effect my children so I plan to stay aware of this, and I thank her for that. (Way to turn it into a positive right?)

The teenager for example, his mom is not in his life. He was raised by my husbands parents up until this point, and they are in assisted living homes now. His grandmother was the only decent woman in his life and now she’s completely out of it due to her medical condition. I am the woman figure in his life now. Me and him are (just barely) closer in age than me and his father so it gets weird and my place gets confusing sometimes (for me only), but at the end of the day he’s our son, he’s my kids big brother, I am his mom really, his friend and confidant. I am raising him like I would my own child which is tough and crazy, mad love. I’m very grateful because I remember so well when I was his age and I thank the universe he’s not like I was.

For me and a lot of women, having kids changes a lot. It brings the ability to have unconditional love and you inherit wisdom, courage and confidence from mother nature herself. Before I had my first child I was actually jealous of my husband and his first child’s relationship. Stupid I know, but I honestly couldn’t control it. Call me crazy, I was, but now I couldn’t possibly have it any other way.

Having a 2 year old and a 17 year old is pretty ridiculous to be straight forward. They are both at such a awkward stage that exhausts me everyday, but its natural and it could be worse. Plus I constantly remind myself that its ok, and I pretend that I’m drowning in the bathtub then lock myself in my room with the lights off for as long as I can. But really, I was a worse teenager the one Im raising is and as for the 2 year old, Im doing my best thats all I can say. Let them eat cake, I don’t know. Let me know if you can relate or have questions being in a similar situation!

 

 

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